The Book Study

I've been posting a lot lately. My thoughts are constant and I can't process or work through them fast enough to keep up with all the inner growth and awareness that's happening within me.

In case you didn't see my other post, something in me told me I should share my next bible/book study here on blogger. It's a long story as to the significance of this study, but you can read all about that if you really want to in the 'other post' link.

The original book that inspired me to do this bible study was from Vicki's blog, Windows to My Soul. Her post about the book, "The Embrace of The Father" was a timely post for me. She posted it during the time I was revisiting my grief a few weeks ago and, as I've stated before, I no longer believe in "random coincidences." I read that post and immediately went to purchase it. It was too coincidental when I stumbled across her post. However, between the time I ordered the book and now, something was telling me this book wasn't meant for me blog about in the intentional way I had planned. I still read the book and highly recommend it. It's got that "Chicken Soup for the Soul" feel to it, with many wonderful short stories and tidbits for your soul to chew on.

Anyway, my perspective on God and his relationship to me has shifted significantly in the last week while I waited for this book to arrive. I realized the bigger picture was that I needed to grasp the concept that the ultimate Father is God and I need to learn and understand this profound fact if I am to grow in my relationship with Him. I am His chosen daughter and I need to understand how significant that really is.

And so, my dear blog readers, knowing nothing about this author, nor having read any of her previous books, I "stumbled across" this at the Christian bookstore today. I think "my knower" knew this was it. This is the book I'm going with.





"In my Father's House", by Mary Kassian.

You can read more about this book here.






My plan is to read and reflect on one chapter once a week. I'll post my reflections on Sundays in case anyone wants to study or read along with me. :-) Reading will commence on Sunday, June 18 (Father's Day 2006 - how ironically appropriate! Could God's timing be more perfect??). The first post will be on Jun 25th.

See you then!

Cheers,
RM

Run #2

My second week of training is going well.

My pace group is made up of 4 people:
- Irma (my co-worker)
- Joe (a very sharp and witty guy in his 60's)
- myself
- Steve (Who I missed meeting last week, who didn't show up this week, and whom I still have yet to meet!).

Another gal, Lisa (a 6th grade teacher who just quit her job and plans to travel after this run) joined us this week since the rest of her group didn't show.

The four of us ran 2 miles along the beach and through Golden Gate Park. Along the way we saw a group of bison in the park. Who knew they lived there! It was pretty cool.

My last run I ran at the Berkeley Marina and it was just a very different crowd and group of people. I really enjoy the commute to the city (Irma and I have been carpooling), and the scenery in San Francisco during this time of year is just awesome!

This time I'm training at a ratio of 3:1, and my per mile minute is 14. It's a bit slower than my previous training, but this time around I joined more as an encouragement for Irma to run rather than a personal challenge. She was really inspired by my running blog and my own personal experience that she wanted to join. She's a lot like me in that sometimes trepidation can get the better of her, and something in me said this is something I should do with her. Last time it was all new to me so I had no idea what to expect. This time I plan to just really enjoy the running and the experience this time. I think as I progress in the training I will start to focus on a time goal (maybe aim for 2:30 completion time?) to give me some sort of goal to focus on, since I already know I can finish it. :-D

And after the last two weeks, I also realized there's a deep joy I receive when I hear Irma gush about how much she's loving the training and how positive she's feeling after the runs. I'm one of a handful of alumni who are training again with this group, so being around all these first-timers is just so refreshing. There's such a sense of gratitude when I hear and see everyone just growing through their fears and really grasping their awesome ability to conquer any fears or personal demons that they have. It's a good feeling and I sense that this time around the training and relationships I build will be pretty significant in terms of the path my life will take. But, I am getting ahead of myself here. ;-)

More later!

A Brilliant Idea

I had this brilliant idea the other day.

Ok, maybe not so brilliant, but I'm excited about it and "know in my knower" that this is something meant for a bigger purpose. Yeah, whatever that means. I just really believe in this idea and I feel it in my heart that some bigger good will come of this. I'm psyched to be using my blog to do this.

I'm going to start blogging about my personal bible studies. That's really the point of this post so if you don't want to be bored with my thought process behind the decision, you can stop reading here. :-P

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I read all the time and enjoy all kinds of books. Put anything in print in front of me and I will read it, including labels and other random things. :-) I go in spurts when it comes to reading. If I really like a topic I'll read anything and everything about it for weeks. My recent interests were autobiographical stories, and now I'm starting a round of Christian-themed books. Yeah, that doesn't come as a surprise to some of you, I'm sure. LOL.

I first thought of writing a weekly entry about the current book I'm reading and where I'm at with it, but that seemed very journalistic. I didn't like the potential for that approach to just end up being just like a book review. I really would rather have this blog capture true thoughts, true feelings, true perspective of my life in it's current moment, and to capture the mental and emotional processing of my life as I am living it.

Then I thought about the fact that I enjoy bible study time with friends, but sometimes I either find myself not really wanting to do a particular study, or I just don't really want to share *all* of my personal thoughts and feelings with the group, or I just really find myself growing in ways that my home group is not fully nurturing at a particular period of time. I also find that I am often quite hesitant to write in depth about faith-matters because previous posts had a tendency to draw unappreciated comments/emails/IM's. But I figure hey, this is where I'm at in life and this blog is not about who I offend or how many faithful readers I can get.

I thought about starting another blog solely dedicated to the book study(ies), but in the end decided not to compartmentalize my blog life like that. I've done that for too long in too many ways and decided I'll just continue as is. My life is one continuous journey and one continuous story, and this book study will be reflected as such.

So, moving ahead with the blog bible study idea, my next question was, "what to study?" I had a couple of books in mind, and then today I went to the Christian bookstore to pick up a book I requested and decided to spend some time browsing.

Originally I thought about studying "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I studied it a few years ago and it was during this reading that I came to accept Christ. My faith story started months before I got this book, but that's another post for another day. Perhaps soon I'll add that story to blogger. :-)

Then I thought, I'd love to study a couple of Christian-focused dating books, one that I've been wanting to read for a while now, the other that I still consult from time to time (:-P). And then I realized something.

Remember how recently I was revisiting the grief from my father's death? Something "clicked" one day. The past couple of months I've been experiencing God working in my life in ways that have me wanting nothing more than to seek Him as intimately and as personally as I have never before. Deep down somewhere I knew (know) that there was something still hindering me from surrendering fully to His Will and that was keeping me from trusting him more fully. I had been praying for weeks for him to search my heart and to bring up anything that needed to be dealt with so that I could move on and move forward towards Him. I realized that the randomness of revisiting my dad's death was not random at all.

That week of deep sorrow was the answer to my prayer. I never would have connected my dad's death to hindering my ability to live life fully, and I still don't get how my prayer, those circumstances, or what the message really is. I just know that the entire picture has led me to this point in time.

Regarding my dad's death, I don't have a huge distrust of men, I don't have an unhealthy understanding that death is just one part in the cycle of life, and I don't believe it's hindered my ability to relate to men. But perhaps, just perhaps, the Lord searched deep enough in the recesses of my heart to know that my soul has constantly been yearning for my dad over the years, whether or not it's been a constant and persistant knowing. And, in the bigger picture, perhaps the Lord was bringing up the grief to make me realize that the yearning for my dad was related to the ultimate lesson of all. That I was grieving the lack of relationship I had with the ultimate father of all: God the Father and creator of the universe.

Are you all still with me here?

Through other circumstances that are just too many to write here, I can see where He's leading me. The the current books I had been studying were all about learning how God speaks personally to me and fine-tuning my "hearing". Going forward, this bible study is not about finding my purpose in life (I think I already sort of 'get' that part), and it's not about approaching dating from a biblical perspective (I know what I want and I truly know God is still preparing me and my future mate for each other). It's all about my relationship with the Father. How coincidental that all of this is happening around Father's Day, huh? Hmmm...?? Kidding. Sort of... :-)

I'm going to prayerfully consider which of the books I've got that I want to study here, so stay tuned!

Love ya,
RM

Another Tear Shed...Waiting Faithfully

I went to the Christian bookstore today. I browsed through a book and found the most wonderful chapter about waiting faithfully for your partner. I pretty much sat in the bookstore and cried when I read this. I am such a mush! :-P

So often I wonder if all the things I'm doing right now is developing me into the Proverbs 31 woman that God intended me to be. And, if I am becoming that woman, then I know so deeply that every tear, every heartache, every moment of trail and tribulation I have in the process of life will be worth it when God brings me to my partner.

This was from a book written by Leslie and Eric Ludy. The book I saw is not listed on their website. I can't even remember the name of it now, but you can check out their url here.

To download or to listen to the song, click here.

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Faithfully

Tonight I saw a shooting star
Made me wonder where you are
For years I have been dreaming of you
I wonder if you're thinking of me, too?
In this world of cheap romance
of love that only fades after the dance
they say that I'm a fool to wait for something more
how can I really love someone I've never seen before?
I have longed for true love every day that I have lived
And I know real love is all about learning how to give
I pray that God will bring you to me
I pray you'll find me
Waiting Faithfully

Faithfully, I am yours from now until forever
Faithfully, I will write, write you a love song with my life
'Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes
I am yours, Faithfully.

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss,
Reminding me of my own lonliness
They say that I'm a fool to keep on prayin' for you
How can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true?
I will keep believing that God still has a plan
And though I cannot see you now- I know that He can.
Someday I will give you all of me
Until I find you, I'll be waiting faithfully

Faithfully, I am yours from now until forever
Faithfully, I will write, write you a love song with my life
'Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes
I am yours, Faithfully
(Repeat)