Why?

My heart...

Feels like it's been ripped out...

Why?

I don't get it.

What I want I can't have, and what I thought I could have is too painful to chase.

Hope ... it's a weird thing for me. I think I have a handle on my emotions, and I think I'm being rational and smart about where I put my feelings and affections ... but something just happened ... a talk ... a seemingly innocent conversation ... and by my tearful reaction I can tell I wanted more than my brain and heart thought I really wanted ... thought I could handle whatever was discussed ... apparently not.

Apparently not.

What am I doing wrong?

Why is this so hard?

I just want these feelings to stop ... to go away ... to be gone so that I can truly live without fear ... without holding back ... without lack of desire ... without this hole in my soul.

Make it go away.

That's all I ask.

That's all I ever ask.