Previous Thoughts

I spent a lot of the weekend going through old journals. I was curious to read where my thoughts were and the kind of things that I recorded.

This exerpt from 2 years ago stood out to me.


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July 4, 2004

What's far more important is the person's essence, the feeling response you have to him, and how his energy affects you. So many things are susceptible to change: the way we dress, hobbies, goals, etc. You never know what someone's path has in store for them. What's far more important is how you feel in his presence, the quality of your connection.

We can't force readiness, it's something that happens organically without coercion.

The best gauge of whether or not you've met the partner you seek is to see who you become in their presence. Do you like yourself? Do you have interesting things to talk about? Do you bring out the best in each other? Is your creative energy full tilt?


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It's interesting, but I realized that this pretty much sums up my thoughts on finding a partner, even now, two years later. Every time I meet another frog, I remind myself that it will 'just happen' and that 'I will know it in my "knower" when I meet him.' That's not to say that it won't take work, or that putting yourself in situations to meet other singles doesn't take effort, but I have a sense that there would be that elusive liberation of knowing that who you are is understood, that in the spiritual, emotional, and mental ways there will be a great meeting of kindred souls. It may or may not be magical, it may be an instant connection, or it may even take months to develop, but the 'knowing' will be there. I'm sure of that.

I have yet to find that quality connection, that person whose presence opens me up to endless possibilities, but I am hopeful and much more content with where I'm headed. I'm making peace with all the not-so-lovely things about me, and I like where I am headed and I like the people and activities in my life.

Contentment is so elusive, but for the moment I can truly say that despite some recent turmoil and disappointments, I'm content with the lessons I am learning.

Cheers!

-RM