I Miss My Dad

Words can't describe what I'm feeling. I started to compose a father's day post and just remembering is too painful right now. I'm sobbing hysterically now. I'm just at a loss for words. Grief just sneaks up on you sometimes, doesn't it? It's weird. Some days I can talk about him and everything is fine. Other days or moments like now and a mere memory or thought just triggers a cascade of tears and sobs. It's been 15 years since he died and the pain and anguish is still as deep and strong as it was then. I miss him.

I wish he was here.

I'm sorry for SO many things.

My memories are fading.

I can't remember much about him.

Why so soon in my life?

I resent growing up so fast.

My poor mom.

The last year of his life, a blur.

The last moments of his life, etched in my memory.

I just want him here.

I can't stop crying. I can't stop regretting. I can't stop wondering what ifs. I can't stop replaying those last moments, the last months.

I love you, Dad. I wish you were here with me now.