Ponderings...

I've got lots of things I want to write tonight.

First of all, blogging is such an interesting thing. As I once wrote, this blog captures but a moment, a fickle emotion, a snapshot of a situation. I see so many blogs out there dedicated to various topics and interests, and other blogs full of the ordinary and full of the extraordinary. Some are filled with humor, and others, a place to vent. But all are in some ways a cathartic avenue of expression and release.

Segue...for my wonderful blog friends, yeah, a post is just a post. We all know there is so much more going on in our lives than what one post conveys, so no true worries. We have down days, we have our moments. Thanks for such support. You readers are really like a cheering section on down days and your posts are really such a blessing to me.

My blog...I can tell is random. Sometimes a daily tidbit is shared, sometimes a deep thought, often times a place to vent. Other times just random posts I find and felt compelled to share. Oh, how I wish there was an obvious theme or personality that was reflected in my writings. I don't think there is an obvious one, but maybe there is? Maybe I'm not removed enough from my own blog to recognize it? I don't know. It's funny. Blogging is like a microcosm of life sometimes. You compare your blog to other bloggers and think, 'wish mine was just as funny', or 'this person is so eloquent and my writing is bland in comparison', or 'there's no way I'd write about this or that like so-and-so's blog'. Why does the 'rat race' also exists among the blogging circles? Ironic, huh?

And other times as I read profiles and their related blogs, I am just in awe of how my peers have lived and are living such different lives in all parts of the world. But the commonalities I see are the same. Some struggles, some random observations, interesting experiences and just things people felt the need to record. All in essence are moments in our lives that are shaping us and are steps along our life journey.

But my lesson through some of these ponderings tonight? Also related to lessons learned through my half marathon training: you gotta find your pace. It's not a race. It's not about who gets where or when first (i.e. graduation, marriage, the promotion, etc.). It's all about finding your way, as Slacker Mom put in one of her posted comments on my blog. Thanks, SM. :-)

But really, why do we get upset when life doesn't go our way? It's because we put our hope in certain things we think will make us happy, or it's because we feel like we'll be left behind in the pack (as I felt during my run). And also, the aches and pains and things that stood out to me during my run were all personal. I can't run anyone else's race for them, nor can I expect someone else to take on my race either. One person's aches may be another person's joys. And where I ache or triumph may not be the same places that moves another person. All we can really do is walk alongside someone as our journeys intersect with one another and to try to lift up and be a blessing to one another (as my experience with Ines went).

If we are lucky, sometimes our paths will cross with someone who touches your heart...with someone who makes your soul sing, if only for a moment. I found that recently. I found a person who did that to me. And it was wonderful. The experience of that is embedded in my heart - in my soul - forever. I know it. I just know it. This is what life is all about. Finding these moments. Allowing the heart to open and sing. To know what pure love is all about. To know that these moment are few and far between. It's fleeting, and makes you aware of how precious life and moments really are.

The future is unknown, but there's a new awareness, a new eagerness to take on whatever comes my way. Don't get me wrong. I still have a lot of fear and trepidation, but there's a new desire that's been stirred. It's that desire to experience more moments like this. And it's this desire that is giving me the courage to move forward, if ever so cautiously.

I'm changing. I know it. I'm moving forward in life. Moving past this complacency. Moving through the baggage that holds me back at times. It's ok. It's all ok. It's shaped me into this precious person I am and am becoming. My heart is opening. It wants to sing without inhibitions and with wreckless abandon.

I love life. I love this moment. I love what's happening to me. I'm embracing it. I'm becoming it. Trust it. Trust the moment. Trust that you are perfect where you are at despite the circumstances you are in. It's good. It's ALL so very good. Believe it. Believe that good things are in store, and love. Just love. Let it flow and don't look back. If it's not reciprocated, that's ok. It's all about how well you live. And not how someone reacts to it.

My heart overfloweth right now. Who knew that a moment that hurt so much would cause me to be so full of gratitude and hope? My struggles are still there, and said relationship still exists in it's netherworld of reality. But really. It's all ok. It's a true lesson in hope and faith and goodness that is making it's mark deep within my soul and my essence.

Give thanks, everyone. If there's one thing you must do each day, it's to give thanks for someone, something, some place, some experience that has made you who you are today.

Thanks for reading this.

Love ya,
Rambling Muse


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"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation,
my stronghold."

- Psalm 18:2