Hello!

I'm still here!

I went on blog vacation, so to speak. I got tired of blogger being down for maintenance and being somewhat flakey, so I did some blog shopping.

I had this grand idea to redesign my blog on blogger, and then it grew from there. Quite a few fellow bloggers have/are migrating to Wordpress (another blogging site), so I decided to check it out and have been playing around with it for a few days now.

You can check out my new blog at: http://undergroundmuse.wordpress.com/.

Let me know what you think.

The only real negative is that anyone who wants to leave a comment needs to enter an email address, and I know that something like that would cause me to think twice about posting. That can be good thing, 'tho.

Gimme your feedback...polls will close at the end of the month. ;-)

Happy blogging!

Not My Feet

On vacation.

Be back later...

Song Lyrics

by Natalie Grant


I’ve been driving through the night
Pull up and see the lights
This is the place that I call home

I watch you as you dream
I think of all you mean to me
Touch your face, kiss you softly

And before I go to sleep, I pray under the stars
Search my soul and check my heart

CHORUS:
(I) thank God for another day, another chance
To love the ones I love
To find my way
To laugh, to dance
And watch the sun come up
Another day I get to live
As if every breath could be the last I take
I get another day

I have a hand that I can hold
Someone who knows my soul
A safe place to lay my head at night
Still sometimes I forget
Just how much I’ve been blessed in life
I forget what means the most to me, yeh
But I’m waking up again
I feel my beating heart
So grateful that I’ve come this far

CHORUS:
Another day to make somebody smile
To go the extra mile
To take a wrong and make it right
Yeh, I’m tryin’ to touch somebody’s life
I get another day

Summer Fun

You Should Spend Your Summer at the Beach

You're a free spirit who is always thinking of new ways to have fun. And you don't just love summer... you live for it. So, you really should blow off your responsibilities and head to the beach!

Where Should You Spend Your Summer?

Hats Off To You Parents

Everytime I come home I am reminded of all the hard work of stay-at-home moms and single parents. Handling my niece and nephew, cooking, cleaning, and trying to run and errand or two during the day takes a lot of patience, flexibility, sense of humor, and energy, among other traits!

Today I woke up to find my niece had pee'd on the carpet and had tried to clean it up herself, which only made it a lot worse since she had tried to use toilet paper. Bits and pieces of pee-soaked toilet paper were all over the carpet, just screaming, "Good Morning!". Nice. LOL!!

Then it was time to make breakfast, which consisted of Lucky Charms cereal. My nephew is generally a good kid and I didn't have any headaches with him today. My niece, on the other hand, refused to eat her cereal with milk, and even then all she did was pick out the marshmallow shapes and left all the cereal in the bowl. When she finished I cleaned up the kitchen and just as I got everything cleaned up, she said she was still hungry. Argh. So then I had to pull out another plate and fed her preztels and ham slices, which was another mess I had to clean up and which delayed my grand plan of having us out and to the park by 10AM-ish.

Getting out of the house was another issue. Getting two kids dressed and ready to leave the house was a chore. My niece insisted on changing her outfit a few times. Then she wouldn't leave me alone when I tried to get dressed or use the bathroom. My nephew kept reminding me to bring bread to feed the ducks which generally doesn't bother me, except that his younger sister is now in that phase where she likes to copy him in every way possible, whether it's in behavior or in phrases they say. Imagine two kids just nagging their aunt. Argh!!

When we got back from the park it was snack time and then finally I had a few moments to relax. I even had time to check email and have an interrupted conversation. I also managed to unload and reload the dishwasher. It feels like the basic household chores just never end. As in, 'didn't I just unload the dishwasher???"

When they woke up from their nap it was back to work. I made lunch for the two of them and again, my niece just somehow manages to make such a mess. I was finding bits and pieces of food on the floor, on the table, on the chair, and on my clothes. LOL.

This was only half of the day!! I'm exhausted! I'm too tired to even finish writing about the rest of the day!!

I love the kids to death but I am seriously tired!!! I really admire and respect all parents out there!

I've got another long day with the kids tomorrow.

You all have a good night!

Are You Sure We're Related?

I've only been in Phoenix for one full day now and already the contrasts between both my sisters' families is so drastic!

Both of my sisters are older. T is in Phoenix and has a 5 year old son and a 2.5 year old daughter. G is in Houston and has a 2.5 year old daughter and a 3 week old baby.

I went from G's house, where there were structured schedules, rules and much organization, to T's house where things get done whenever, where rules are enforced (but enforced with much latitude), and organization that makes sense only to those who live it. LOL.

All of their kids are good kids, but seeing both environments back to back makes me wonder if my sisters are really related. LOL. It's also a good eye-opener for me to see how environment can really affect a child's social disposition. Both my sisters married men who are undoubtedly suited to their respective personalities, and it's just interesting to see the dynamics of both relationships. Each of their husbands also father differently. It's interesting to see the various parenting styles and environments. Of course, this makes me wonder about my future kids and the kid of environment I'd like to raise them in, but I'm trying not to muse too much about stuff that is not a part of my present circumstances.

Anyway, it's really good to spend time with family like this. It helps reaffirm that singleness is a good state to be in, and it also helps to assuage that biological clock that seems to be ticking loudly these days.

Here's what my nephew and I did today:

- Watched cartoons in the morning

- Played frisbee

- Played two games of Candyland (I lost both times!)

- Played hide-and-seek

- Went to the park, taught my nephew how to swing on his own which was too funny. Makes me wonder who it was who taught me how to do that. ??

- McDonald's for lunch (Yeah, not healthy, but hey, I'm the aunt. It's my duty to spoil them!LOL.)

- Made paper airplanes and other cool origami

- Napped

- Baked and decorated cookies

- Dinner then a bedtime story

Whew! I am exhausted. And to think...my sister wants to leave BOTH kids at home with me tomorrow. I'm not sure about that one yet. We'll figure it out in the morning, but I'm exhausted just thinking about back on today, and I was only babysitting ONE kid! LOL.

More later.

Good night!

The Book Study - Chapter 2

Previous posts:
The book study
Chapter 1





"In My Father's House", by Mary Kassian.

You can read more about the book here.






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Part 1: The Father Relationship

Chapter 2: God's Father Relationships

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This chapter begins with Kassian telling the story of a child who was conceived unbeknownst to the biological father. The mother gave the child up for the adoption and shortly after this, the biological father found out he had fathered a child and then began to sue for custody of his daughter. After a 3 1/2 year court battle, the biological father was awarded custody. On one side you had the heart-wrenching moment of knowing the child was being taken away from her adoptive father, the only one she had known from birth, and on the other side, the joyous tears of the biological father who had fought so hard to raise her as his own. This then raises the question, who really is the father? Is it the one who raised and nurtured her on a daily basis, or is it the one who helped give her life? No one would really argue that both examples can be considered her father. And so, it is with this example that Kassian introduces this chapter and the four different types of relationship in which the Bible teaches that God is Father.

Father of Creation

from page 12:

Without the Creator there would be no life, no existence, and no family of mankind.

In Malachi 2:10 the prophet asks, "Have we not one Father? Has not one God created us?"

This section was clear to me in the sense that we all came into existence in some way, form, and fashion, and thus we all have been fathered by "the Creator".

Father of Israel

The following are exerpts from this header in the book, but my own knowledge of scripture and bible history is not extensive enough for me to really know how or what I think about the things she talks about in this section.

from page 17:

God's second fatherhood relationship is his relationship to his convenant nation, the Jews.

"I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they shall be My people. . . . For I am a Father to Israel" (Jer. 31:1, 9). Over and over again the children of Israel were challenged to recognize and respond to this family relationship.

"God's father relatinship with the nation of Israel foreshadowed the time when people from all nations would enter into an adoptive relationship with him.

Father of Jesus

from page 17:

God the Father and God the son have a unique relationship. Jesus, who exists eternally, is the Father's "only begotten Son" (John 3:16); His "first born" (Heb. 1:6). The two relate as Father and Son and yet are equal, both being fully God (Phil. 2:6; Heb. 1:8-9).

In more than 100 references to God as "Father" in the Gospel of John, the overwhelming majority specifically refer to him as the Father of Jesus. The exclusiveness of their relationship is reinforced by the fact that Jesus never coupled himself with others, even his disciples, as being sons of God. He never referred to God as "our" Father, including himself in the "our". Instead, he was careful to differentiate between his own sonship and the sonship of his disciples.

Father of Adopted Children

from page 18:

Jesus redeemed us so that we might be adopted into God's family and relate to God as our own Father.

Adoption, as understood in the Greco-Roman world, was a legal institution whereby one could adopt a child and give that child all the rights and privileges of a naturally born child and give that child all the rights and privileges of a naturally born child. It meant a legal change of status from one family identity and inheritance to another.

Through Jesus' sacrifice, God legally changes our status so that he is our adoptive Father and we are his children. This is the redemptive relationship with God all believers share.

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While I have been growing in my relationship and understanding of God as the ultimate "Father", I am still having trouble accepting His love and desire for me as his chosen daughter. Since the last chapter, I've been reflecting a bit on my relationship with my earthly father, and while it was not without love, it was without the true expression from him of knowing how desired and loved I was. There was a deep respect and 'knowing' that I belonged to my dad, but there was still always a distance there, a wondering of how he really felt and thought about me. And it is this perception that I've projected onto my view of God.

I've been wondering often how God could truly love me, despite all the bad choices I've made, the shameful thoughts and relationships in my past, and how he could desire me when there are so many other people who are 1) more "worthy" of his love, and 2) who are in worse situations than mine and who need His love more desperately than I do. However, the truth is that we are ALL worthy of His love. We are all deserving of His love. We are all desired deeply by Him. And we are all loved by Him more than we could ever imagine.

I think I am finally able to let go of a lot of my preconceived and current notions of God's love for me and there's this sudden awareness of the vulnerability I'm feeling as I let down my guard. Allowing Him to love me is more frightening in many ways because there's the knowing that He truly knows me more intimately than even my parents. There are so many parts of me that I see as less than good, that I'm not proud of, that I think are more negative than positive, and for Him to know these things and to still love me is unthinkable.

And then I had another realization one day. My relationship with God the Father is the ultimate example by which I am to model all earthly relationships. Since I have trouble believing God would love me, why would I believe that those around me could truly love me as well? And what about all those skeletons in the closet? I think a lot of people would think differently of me if they were shared, and to think that the Lord knows all of these things about me and still loves me is something I realized I need to accept. If I can't accept that God truly loves me in spite of such things, then how can I have a healthy, productive relationship in real life? How can I believe that anyone else around me could love and accept those things about me too?

It's complicated what I am thinking and feeling and musing over about in this chapter. All I can really say at this point is that I get the sense that I see God's hand in so many parts of my life and that trust I have in Him is building ever so slowly, moment by moment. I'm sensing His love for me more and more and because of that, my heart has been softening and I find myself wanting to be more vulnerable in His presence. I'm starting to acknowledge and accept His faithfulness to me and I can sense His joy in seeing me - his daughter - grow in the love that he provides.

So with that, I'll end this week's chapter study with another prayer.

Father God,

Thank you for bringing me through another week. My heart and burdens feel heavy when I think about all the areas I could change. It seems impossible for me to fully accept that you could love me so thoroughly and so intimately. I pray, Father, that you affirm in my heart and mind that I am your daughter and that despite all of my failings, that I am loved thoroughly and intimately by you. Father God, thank you for loving me even when my choices, thoughts, and feelings were/are less than Godly. Thank you, Lord, for opening the eyes of my heart and for drawing close to me as I am drawing nearer to you.

Amen

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Reference excerpts

page 18-19

Have you ever heard of an unplanned adoption?...Couples who have been unable to have biological children and who choose to adopt know what it is to long for a child. They know what it is to yearn to share their love. Their desire to love is so strong that they will take a child with a blemished past and a dubious future. ...This is just what the father does. He rescues orphans from despair and brings them into the warmth of his family. He planned for you, looked for you, found you, signed the papers, and brought you home.

My husband, Brent, could barely wait for our first child to be born. Every night he would caress my expanding belly and talk to the baby he could not yet see. Finally the time arrived! Our son was born, and the nurse gently placed the warm, wrinkly bundle of flesh into his father's waiting arms. Brent was overcome with inexpressible emotion: love joy, tenderness, pride. He was a father! Your heavenly Father chose you as his child before the foundation of the world. He did this because "he wanted to." This choice gave him much joy and pleasure (Eph. 1:4-6). Consider your Father God anticipating the time when you would be born again. The love, joy, tenderness, and pride of almighty God, your heavenly Father, was focused on you, his new adopted son or daughter.